See also ... I've learned ....
Some Aphorisms
Free Will and the Omnipotence of God
Some Heinlein thoughts
Prayers in a Time of Need
Free Will and the Omnipotence of God

Mark Twain Quotations

(Links to Mark Twain Web sites at bottom of page)

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

When I was ten, I thought my parents knew everything. When I became twenty, I was convinced they knew nothing. Then, at thirty, I realized I was right when I was ten.

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather. In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?

To eat is human, to digest, divine.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

I prefer heaven for climate, hell for company.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. (Pudd'nhead Wilson)

When I am king, they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved. (The Prince and the Pauper)

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.

An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

He was an incorrigible borrower of money; he borrowed from all his friends; if he ever repaid a loan the incident failed to pass into history.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

The reports of my death are greatly exagerated.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

Let us so endeavor to live, that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.

Man is the only animal that blushes ... or needs to.

Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples' habits.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Why is it that we rejoice at a wedding and cry at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Once I found out the secret of the Universe. I have forgotten what it was, but I know that the Creator does not take Creation seriously, for I remember that He sat in Space with all His Work in front of Him and laughed. -- Lord Dunsany, "The Hashish Man"

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